thoughts on the whole father thing

I have tons running thru my mind right now, as always. I just wanna jot down some thoughts so I can maybe let them out of my head. It’s about my father. The man we moved out here to be closer to & to get to know. Yes, we also love this Valley, but face it, without him here, we’d never have found Wenatchee, much less moved here.

When I first found him & we began talking, I asked lots of questions. He told me I could ask anything I wanted & he would do his best to answer. He felt he owed me that much. One of the things I asked, was why he didn’t look for me. One of the answers I got was that he figured when I turned 18, I’d maybe look for him on my own. That’s what he’d hoped for. The part that sticks with me tho, that I cant get out of my head right now, is that he said “I didn’t want to interrupt your life”.

Fast forward to us being here, in the same city & state as him, his life, & his family. We’ve now been here just under 3 years. Yes, we have worked on building our own lives, apart from him, but he has been a part of life here too. Obviously. Last year, he announced he wanted to move. He was selling the café he owned, selling the house & moving. He decided on the Tri City area. I say he & not they because his wife didn’t really want to move to begin with, even tho her family is down in that area. She liked it here just fine. He said he needed a change of pace & scenery. He told us that we could move too. Sure, lets just totally uproot us again after finally getting Tim into a decent job, making new friends … sure. I think not. Tim so totally agreed. We have both been kind of floored at this whole thing.

Now he never asked us to move out here, flat out. His wife would ask when we were gonna move out here, some of the family did as well. Perhaps in a joking manner. Perhaps not. The family was thrilled that I found them, & they all have welcomed the forgotten child with open arms. He was amazed that I wanted to be a part of his life so much that I would uproot us & make that big of a move. He was thrilled to have us here. To have his “long lost daughter” so close. I wonder tho, if the newness of that wore off.

Since we’ve been here, the feeling of being welcome has not been what we expected. Then again, I don’t know exactly what I, or Tim expected. I think one thing we thought was that he’d make more of an effort to get to know me, be around me & such. Maybe even do something to help us out. I recall him mentioning once that he wished there was something he could do to make up for missing out on my life. Yet in his life now, he didn’t make much effort in that direction.

When they still had their cat, & went out of town, usually to the Tri Cities, we knew what was going on. Why? Because they would ask us to feed the cat. There were no personal invites to come with them. Since I took the cat & had it put down for them, allot of times they went out, we didn’t even know. If they’d be gone more than 2 days or so, we’d know because he would ask me to bring in the paper & mail. Amusing to look back on now.

They sold the café earlier this year. The house sold recently. They went down to the Tri Cities in search of a new home & found that with no problems. They moved last weekend.

I think I mentioned before about all the things that they gave away & sold. I mentioned how his daughter was only an after thought with small misc. things. He gave us stuff we could have a yard sale with. His words. I was kind of hurt. I sometimes wonder just how much of a tightwad he is. His wife has told me that many times about him. And she doesn’t understand it either. They know we struggle to keep ends together but he wont lend a helping hand in any way. Not in finding a job prospect, not in a money way, nothing.

When I learned more about the money side of all his selling & buying I was even more floored. Look out for him & that’s that. Maybe it’s how he was raised. That’s my guess. Being a parent myself, if I came into money & could help my children, I would be. But, that’s me.

I already feel a bit better just typing this all out. It doesn’t change how I feel or make anything better. But it’s out of my head, & somewhere that I can look back on it. Now I can move on to the other million thoughts running thru my brain at any given time.