Lost & Isolated

It’s not that I’m not spiritual, its that I don’t purposefully think about it on a regular basis. I wish I did. Maybe if I were around others who were, more often, I would. I remember when my friend Leah still lived here & how much my spiritual side was an active part of the rest of me. She had a metaphysical shop for a couple years where she had weekly ‘meeting’ nights. She also was a personal friend so we got to hang at her house anytime. I miss her.

When we did that move to Florida thing last year (2010) it was kinda nice to be near my other Pagan friend, Krista. She is very much into the whole witch thing. Was nice to be around her for that. There were a few others around down there as well ...

Now, back here, living alone with just my man, I feel kind of isolated from all of it. Sure, I can go online & connect with other like minded folks. But somehow that’s just not the same. We do have a pagan yahoo group for our area that I started years ago. But again, we’re spread out & not very active. Out of sight, out of mind it seems.

I miss my pagan connections. I miss paying closer attention to the calendar & all the little pagan holidays. Perhaps with this being the beginning of the new year on the pagan wheel, I can make a better attempt to get back to my spirit side …

Making Life Yours

One of the Daily OM emails I get. I love these things!

Making Life Yours

There is no secret recipe for happiness and contentment. The individuals who move through life joyously have not necessarily been blessed with lives of abundance, love, success, and prosperity. Such people have, however, been blessed with the ability to take the circumstances they’ve been handed and make them into something great. Our individual realities are colored by perception—delight and despair come from within rather than without. Situations we regard as fortuitous please us while situations we judge inauspicious cause us no end of grief. Yet if we can look at all we have accomplished without dwelling on our perceived misfortune and make each new circumstance our own, the world as a whole becomes a brighter place. A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize and unearth the hidden potential for personal and outer world fulfillment in every event, every relationship, every duty, and every setback.

The universe is often an unpredictable and chaotic place, and the human tendency is to focus on the negative and assume the positive will care for itself. But life can be no more or no less than what you make of it. If you are working in a job you dislike, you can concentrate on the positive aspects of the position and approach your work with gusto. What can you do with this job that can turn it around so you do love it. When faced with the prospect of undertaking a task you fear, you can view it as an opportunity to discover what you are truly capable of doing. Similarly, unexpected events, when viewed as surprises, can add flavor to your existence. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your path, you can create an atmosphere of jubilance that is wonderfully infectious. A change in perspective is all it takes to change your world, but you must be willing to adopt an optimistic, hopeful mind-set.

To make a conscious decision to be happy is not enough. You must learn to observe life’s complexities through the eyes of a child seeing everything for the first time. You must furthermore divest yourself of preconceived notions of what is good and what is bad so that you can appreciate the rich insights concealed in each stage of your life’s journey. And you must strive to discover the dual joys of wanting what you have. As you gradually shift your perspective, your existence will be imbued with happiness and contentment that will remain with you forever.

***And to this, I don’t even know what to say. It is all so very true. I do my best, most of the time, to seek out the positive in life. Sometimes it is difficult. Other times, beyond easy.

Timing Can Be Everything

From my Daily Om emails ...

Where You Need to Be

Timing Can Be Everything

Since human timetables quite often do not correspond with universal timetables, it’s common for people to feel that life is progressing too slowly or too quickly. We draft carefully composed plans only to find that they fall into place when we least expect. Or, conversely, we are thrust into roles we believe we are not prepared for and wonder how we will survive the demands imposed upon us by unfamiliar circumstances. When delays in our progress kindle pangs of disappointment within us or the pace of life seems overwhelming, peace can be found in the simple fact that we are exactly where we need to be at this moment.

Every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right. If you have fast-tracked to success, you may become deeply frustrated if you discover you can no longer satisfy your desires as quickly as you might like. Yet the delays that disappoint you may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments that you have not yet conceived. Or the universe may have plans for you that differ from the worldly aspirations you have pursued up until this point. What you deem a postponement of progress may actually represent an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come. If, however, you feel as though the universe is pushing you forward at too fast a clip, you may be unwittingly resisting your destiny. Your unease regarding the speed of your progress could be a sign that you need to cultivate awareness within yourself and learn to move with the flow of fate rather than against it. The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling, so you can res! t assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

You may feel compelled to judge your personal success using your age, your professional position, your level of education, or the accomplishments of your peers as a yardstick. Yet we all enjoy the major milestones in our lives at the appropriate time—some realize their dreams as youngsters while others flourish only in old age. If you take pride in your many accomplishments and make the most of every circumstance in which you find yourself, your time will come.

***Ugh! Can you relate? I sure can. I cant tell you how often I wonder why things are the way they are.  Why are things going so fast? Or so friggin slow? It’s frustrating to say the least.  Reading these words, helps to make you stop & think, even if just for a minute. It might not make you feel all better, but it sure helps to put things into perspective!

Staying True to Your Word

From my Daily Om emails …

Power in Honesty

Staying True to Your Word

Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no. Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful. Though your honesty may not always endear you to others—for there will always be those who fear the truth—you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension. As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn’t be truthful. And if life’s surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly.

Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence.

*** Do you ever think about this? I do. Have I ever lied? Yes. Many times over my life. Sometimes it’s been teeny tiny ones, sometimes big. At the time, it feels like the right thing to do. And, I kind of have to say, that sometimes, its okay. Well, in my world anyway. Sometimes, if it will not hurt a person but actually spare them, & no harm is done, why not? It’s a big big thing to think about. And definitely something to consider as we go thru our days & interact with others. Don’t do it just because it’s the easy way out. That, will come back to bite you!

Anything really worth doing in our lives will always have some fear attached to it.

From my Daily Om emails …

Honoring Life Changes

The Wisdom of Fear

Anything worth doing will always have some fear attached to it. For example, having a baby, getting married, changing careers—all of these life changes can bring up deep fears. It helps to remember that this type of fear is good. It is your way of questioning whether you really want the new life these changes will bring. It is also a potent reminder that releasing and grieving the past is a necessary part of moving into the new.

Fear has a way of throwing us off balance, making us feel uncertain and insecure, but it is not meant to discourage us. Its purpose is to notify us that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one. Whenever we face our fear, we overcome an inner obstacle and move into new and life-enhancing territory, both inside and out. The more we learn to respect and even welcome fear, the more we will be able to hear its wisdom, wisdom that will let us know that the time has come to move forward, or not. While comfort with fear is a contradiction in terms, we can learn to honor our fear, recognizing its arrival, listening to its intelligence, and respecting it as a harbinger of transformation. Indeed, it informs us that the change we are contemplating is significant, enabling us to approach it with the proper reverence.

You might wish to converse with your fear, plumbing its depths for a greater understanding of the change you are making. You could do this by sitting quietly in meditation and listening or by journaling. Writing down whatever comes up—your worries, your sadness, your excitement, and your hopes—is a great way to learn about yourself through the vehicle of fear & to remember that fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life.

*** You know, this is very true. Fear can be such a huge thing in our lives. I know several people who say they have nothing to fear but fear itself. I kinda think the same thing. I journal on my computer. I use Word & just make entries. I keep them private mostly, only sharing a few entries with anyone other than myself. Something to ponder as you go thru your Tuesday.

Marriage

Today … I give you something to read & truly ponder. Life can be taken from us at any time. I know I value my marriage. I love my husband with all my heart & soul. I know we both strive to not take each other for granted, ever. I know that we are connected not just physically, but spiritually …

I know it is a bit lengthy, but please, read … to the end.

MARRIAGE

2005

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

2006

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

2007

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

2008

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

2009

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Ah, a full moon again …

It seems all too often that time just whizzes by without knowing just how fast its going. Wasn’t it just Spring? Summer? And now here we are almost a month into Autumn already. I’ve noticed that this year, for unknown reasons really, I’ve spent more time inside than out. I’ve spent time in front of this computer … doing countless things. I’ve spent time escaping life by playing games. I’ve spent time trying to see what everyone else is doing & sharing my own things, on Facebook. I’ve spent time trying to work on my business, both online & just on the computer. 

Hubby & I have spent time trying to adjust to a new way of life this past year too. We’re back to being alone. In Florida, we were with the kids in our home. One left for the military. One stayed behind when we decided to move to Washington. We spent less than 2 years alone, but we had a dog. Then my military daughter moved in with us. Then her boyfriend moved in. Full house again. Then we did a move back to FL thing, & back to WA, within 6 months. The kids moved into their own place. While we were in FL, we were with hubby’s mom. Now, back here, we are alone. Just us. No kids. No dog. 

While we have both grown & changed over the past years, it still takes some adjusting to being just us. I’ve watched time slip by. Sometimes I feel like I’m just watching & not really participating in my life. Sometimes it feels like my Spirit is forgotten in the grind of daily life.

I want so desperately to rekindle it. I just somehow feel like something is missing.

I’m not sure what it is exactly. I’m going to work on finding it. Am I alone in how I feel?

Feeling new life by taking life ...

I’ve been busy the past couple days & I’m kinda at a loss for what to write about for today. I think this short bit about time in the yard will do nicely tho…

We (my hubby & I) did a bit more yard work Saturday afternoon. Even tho we were taking down trees, it felt rewarding. The area of the yard we’re working on has been neglected for years by previous tenants. We’re now trying to fix that by bringing some life back to the hillside. It has overgrown & gotten full of weedy tree saplings. There are several juniper bushes that I imagine used to look beautiful. Now, they are more than half dead from bad cutting, lack of light & water & neglect. It’s like that with everything back there. It feels choked when you stand before the hillside.
Yesterday, when we took down another couple of the trees, I felt life come back. I felt less of that choking feeling. I felt like even tho we took the lives of those trees, the hillside said thank you.
I watched a robin dance from tree branch to tree branch as we clipped away the weedy ones. Even the robin seemed happy with our efforts.

All I know, is that it felt good to be outside. I felt like a small part of me was reconnecting with the Earth.

Changing Beliefs

Working to revive my Spirit ...

While I debated what to write about first, I skimmed thru some of the Pagan Blog Prompts. My daughter maintains this blog, full of thought provoking thoughts & ideas to get you to write. I’m choosing to answer one from awhile back today.

"Do your beliefs change over the years as you change and develop?"

This one kind of speaks to me. Yes, my beliefs have changed, some, over the years. I began my journey down this wondrous path with Wiccan beliefs. It was what I first was exposed to. It was what I first learned. I knew almost from the beginning that I would always be Pagan, but not always Wiccan. I did not feel all the beliefs associated with this “branch” of Paganism were right for me.

As I began to read more & more, I found that unlike most other religions, Paganism pretty much says its alright to take only what you truly connect with & what resonates with you personally. It’s okay to leave the rest. There is even a name for this … eclectic. That, is very much me.

I also feel that I am still changing. Will I always keep the beliefs I have right now? I can’t completely answer that. Right now, my beliefs are planted within my heart. As I continue to read more, learn more & experience more, there is a possibility they will change. Or not. Only time will tell. One thing I do know … is I will always call my self Pagan. And spiritual. And … a child of the Goddess.

one year later

This post was from my personal blog when I had them separated...
I noticed yesterday that it has been one whole year since I put anything in here. a whole year. Wow. And so much has changed in this last year. We moved to Florida in March. We moved back in August. Hubby worked from September to December 3rd. And he''s been laid off since. While we were in Florida my spiritual side seemed to almost vanish. I spent more time being sad, lonely & depressed than I did enjoying being near family & friends. I learned there are fewer real friends than I thought. I learned you can't ever really go home. I learned you can't step back into a world you left because time changes you.

The spiritual side of me seriously went dormant while we were away form here. Is it back? Not quite to my liking yet, but I can say I feel so much better, even with the current circumstances, being back up here. That has to mean something.

So one of the main reasons we went was to be there for my husbands father. He has made pretty much a total recovery. My mom is doing alright, but she put things in a way that made me love her even more. When we told everyone we were leaving & coming back here my mom was sad. But she understood because we told her how miserable we were, trying to live there. She told me how she wished all her family could be right there but she knows we all have to live our lives. I love her for that.

In my last post I talked about how this Valley seems to be a stopover for many. I know now that our time here was not finished. I'm not sure what exactly we have to do here, but I vow to try & enjoy every minute of it. I have noticed that since we've been back, I have felt a pull to be more ... in tune with Nature & learn more. Now I just need to find the discipline to accomplish that.

I also mentioned that I saw us not staying in Florida forever. Seems that was true, & even much shorter than I thought. Do I still see us going to the southwest? I'm not sure. I have been so wrapped up in being back 'here' I have not given it much thought.

I also said I had made peace with moving. I think I lied. I tried to convince myself that I had made peace with it. I tried to convince everyone else too, that it was what we needed to do. We did it & we can't undo it. All we can do now is learn from it.

I hope this year brings lots of learning for me.

thoughts about a big move.

A lot has been happening in my life these days. Sometimes I wonder about the spiritual side of it all. We are facing another cross country move here very shortly.

We began this year with news of hubby's father being in the hospital with congestive heart failure. For awhile there it did not look like he was going to pull thru. Hubby spent the first 3 weeks of the year down in Florida with his dad & family. During that time, near the beginning he felt maybe we should move back to be there to help his father out in the road to recovery which at the time appeared to be a long one.

Later in his time there hubby changed his mind. He had time to let the emotions stabilize as his father began to get better & stabilize too. During the time between those two decisions, I had to find it within me to make some decisions too.

So I spent a lot of time here thinking. Talking things out every evening with my man helped. Talking with a few friends here who are not connected in any way to things, helped even more. It got me to see things from a more neutral point of view.

By the time my man finally got home, I had made peace with the thought of moving back down to a place I never thought I would go back to. I spent so much time thinking about all the different aspects of it.

This is where the spiritual stuff comes in I guess. I began to think about what I have learned here. Maybe it was time for me to take what I had learned & share it. I talked more with people. Several are in agreement that this place, this Valley here, is just a stopping point in the big plan. It is not a place to stay. It is a place to come, learn & move on. And I feel this is something you learn as you live here. We have now been here for 4 years and 7 months. We've learned.

As much as we love it here for the nature reasons, it seems it is time to move on. It is time for us to take our new selves & see what else is in store for us. I do not see us staying back in the Panhandle of Florida forever. I see us there for a few years. I see us going to the Southwest after that. I don't know when exactly, but I see it.

Just wanted to get this out there. More later.

life lessons

“Prosperity is a way of living & thinking,
& not just money or things.
Poverty is a way of living & thinking,
& not just a lack of money or things.”

~ Eric Butterworth

Wow. To see these particular words right now is ... yeah.

Today when hubby got home from work he told me that it is no longer a matter of if they will be laid off from work, but when. So we don't know when, or for how long. This ... sucks.I guess the sad part is that it did not have to be this way. But thanks to a dead grumpy old man, it is.

I try so hard to keep a positive outlook on my life. I am the one who always tells hubby to not worry so much. And now here I am, the one who is worried. So is hubby, but I expected that.

I'm not sure what is in store for us, I just try to think positive that it will all be just fine. We will make it. Somehow, we always do. Sometimes with a little financial aid, sometimes by shear luck?

I'm not sure how exactly to go about my positive views for this new situation put before us. I know I will find a way. Perhaps reading a bit of The Secret, or something from Dr. Dyer. Perhaps thru some deep thinking. Somehow... it will come.

Welcome to November

So here we are already into November. Where does the time go these days? It seems to pass so slowly as it happens, yet when we look back we wonder how it flew so fast.

Samhain passed without any flair this year. I had begun to try planning some small something for the evening on the 31st but had little interest from my hubby so it just passed. There was much thought in my mind & heart tho as the evening went along.

I did some reading on the history of Samhain & Halloween. It was all very interesting & will help me in years to come.

Another something we had wanted to do was a Pagan style vow renewal for our 10th Wedding Anniversary. That special day is November 5th. It seems to have gotten pushed aside but with good reason. I'm sure the right time will present itself & we will do it then.

The good reason was a move that came up suddenly. After so long hunting for a place to live, one was presented that we never thought of as an option. So we had to move super fast to take advantage & make it all come together. We moved one building over & to a downstairs unit.

We did a really nice simple cleansing before we moved in. This was the first time we (myself, hubby & oldest daughter) have been able to do something like this at the actual move in time. It felt good too! We then moved the salt in first, before anything else was carried in. It feels good to be here & amazingly different than the old upstairs unit.

When we spend time inside here, it feels like the outside world just goes away. It is warm, inviting & so comfy. Spiritually, it feels so much better than the other place. We feel at home here.

I am looking forward to my spiritual side growing while we are here. I feel it already!

My Pendulum again

My Pendulums have been a huge focus in my life recently. Yes, that was plural. I have 2. I find myself using one when I am asking about personal things related to me, & my family & friends. I use the other one when I ask on behalf of a friend or if something is totally not personal. I can not exactly explain it, but I just know when to use which one. And if I'm in doubt, I'll ask them which I should be using.

With Mercury Retrograde in full swing right now, it has been an intense time for revisiting my queries from before MR began. I asked if during this time it was good to re-ask some questions. Oh yes. And would my answers be more accurate during MR? Oh yes, again. So, that is exactly what I have been doing, along with asking some new questions too.

I feel extremely connected to the pendulum. It feels so natural whenever I use it & I have since the first time I picked one up. Apparently, this is my gift for this lifetime. How do I know? I asked!

There have been some very interesting answers to my questions lately. When people or books tell you don't ask a question you don't want the answer to, they are not kidding. I got a couple answers last week that caught me totally off guard. Yeah ... so I will be careful in the future when I find myself drawn towards wanting to know things that maybe ... I don't really want to know.

I'll be adding some entries with some pendulum info I've gathered. I may back date them a bit, or not. Not sure yet. So, watch for them. Ok, that's all for the moment. I think.

Believe .. Have a seat....relax...and read this slowly.

I believe -

...that just because two people argue,

doesn't mean they don't love each other.

I believe -
...that we don't have to change friends

if we understand that friends change.

I believe -
...that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while

& you must forgive them for that.

I believe -
....that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love.

I believe -
....that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I believe -
...that it's taking me a long time

to become the person I want to be.

I believe -
....that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I believe -
....that you can keep going

long after you think you can't.

I believe -
....that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I believe -
....that either you control your attitude

or it controls you.

I believe -
...That heroes are the people who do

what has to be done when it needs to be done,

regardless of the consequences.

I believe -
...that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe -
....that my best friend & I can do
anything or nothing & have the best time.

I believe -
....that sometimes the people you expect

to kick you when you're down,

will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe -
....that sometimes when I'm angry

I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe -
....that maturity has more to do with what
types of experiences you've had & what you've
learned from them & less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe -
....that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe -
....that no matter how bad your heart is broken

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe -
...that our background & circumstances

may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe -
....that you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe -
....two people can look at the exact same
thing & see something totally different.

I believe -
...that your life can be changed in a matter
of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe -
....that even when you think you have no
more to give, when a friend cries out to you -

you will find the strength to help.

I believe -
...that credentials on the wall do not

make you a decent human being.

I believe -
.... that the people you care about most in
life are taken from you too soon.
I believe -
....that you should send this to

all of the people that you believe in.

I just did.

I am a Witch

I am a Witch.

I see beauty in all life...

I hear the whispers of the trees ~

I feel the gentle breeze

kiss my face...

The warmth from the sun

fills me with energy and passion~

The soft spring rain

washes over me & I am renewed.

The wisdom of those before

comes to me in my dreams.

The strength & power

of Mother Earth grounds me...

and keeps me balanced.



I am a Witch.

I have pledged myself

in my entirety to Them..

For it is from Them all life comes...

to Them all life returns...

And without Them ~ I cease to be.



I am a Witch.

The magick stirring within me...

is a gift from Them.

I have come to see myself...

as They see me...

I have come to know myself...

as They know me ~

Love myself

as They love me.

I stand with Them...

in my truth.



I am a Witch.

My truth...

is not the same as your truth ~

Just as your truth...

is not the same as mine...

I do not question

or judge your truth...

for we are equal in Their eyes.

All parts of One.



I am a Witch...

I follow my path...

my map of life with dignity...

with resolve ~

My map...

is not the same as your map~

Yet perhaps you too are a Witch...

Our maps are unique unto us...

albeit our destination the same.

You may walk beside me ...

should you choose ~

Let us learn

each from the other

as we walk.



I am a Witch...

Maiden... Mother... Crone ~

I shall share my life knowledge freely ...

shine my light...

So that those who have lost their way...

may see their map once again.

I do not seek to change you...

but to help you...

find you.



(Author not known to me)

Watch

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.

- Upanishads

My pendulum

Sometimes I wonder what should go here. What should I write about? How personal do I get? The intention to keep up with this is there, but it quietly waits for me to make new entries.

Just waiting ...

In daily life, I feel my spiritual side sometimes gets lost. Okay, often. It all depends on what is going on in life I suppose. I've let my Reiki slip. The seasons? Yup, they happen, without a ritual or anything. Full moons? Yup, those too. I'm not saying I want to recognize every little thing with a special ritual or something. That is sooo not me anyways. But I do wish I'd just acknowledge them a bit better as they happen.

One thing I have put more into is my pendulum. Recently my daughter wanted her own after we spent some time talking with mine to help her get thru some tough choices she was struggling with. We ended up going up to Spirals in nearby Chelan. Not only did she find her own pendulum, but I found another. Yes, I have one at home. I use it. It works well. But I just couldn't help myself when I was looking. I had one speak to me that it was for me & should come home with me. So, it did. This new one responds to me even better than the first one. I like it.

I've talked with a friend about the use of pendulums & how much faith to put into them. I love how she explained it to me. The energy coming form the pendulum is like that of our over souls. The answers come from a higher form of ourselves. A form that can see the entire picture, something that we can not always see ourselves. She went into a bit more, but I can't now put it all into words. I know that, I choose to believe this, & in turn can put my faith into my pendulum & the answers it gives me.

Another reason I choose to believe what answers come from it, is that it does NOT always tell me what I want to hear. Then I have to wait & see why.

Case in point? We found a house to rent with our friends. We thought it was perfect. The location was good, the size was big enough. Why would we not be able to rent it? No matter how I phrased the question, the answer was no. We finally got to see the inside. Although it was not perfect, we could have made it work. We as in our family. Not the friend's family. They had planned to take the basement area since they were comfortable with less space. The space was plenty big, but there was not enough daylight. So, we found out why we would not be able to move in. Until we got to see it, we had no idea of the big picture. We had no idea why on Earth we would not be able to make this work.

There have been other queries that I would have loved to have gotten yes answers for, that have not happened. I trust that there is good reason, & go about my day. I do not totally live by the answers, but do use them as a guide.

I enjoy this form of divination more than any other I have tried so far. Why? Because it gives a definitive yes or no. There is a lot less interpretation to do as with other forms. Most other forms of divination require you to interpret the answer. To me this gives them less weight so to speak. Answers could be interpreted to suit many things, all depending on how you look at it.

Of course I believe everyone has their own views & beliefs on this. I honor that. This is just my personal view & what works for me. As time goes on, I may find something else that works as good or even better. For now, at this point along my path, I have found a tool to help guide me along my journey.

A Bare Bones Guide to Understanding Pagans & Witches

Consider that you’re spending time with a good friend over a nice meal, some good wine, & friendly conversation. Your friend tells you that she is Pagan. As a matter of fact, she says, she’s a practicing Witch. What does this mean to you? What’s the first thing that goes through your mind? It’s likely that on at least some level, you found the idea of someone in this day & age being a “Witch” to be laughable. It’s very possible that you conjured the image in your mind of her dressed all in black, riding a broom through the night sky – like some Halloween cartoon.

It is also likely that some part of you was at least a little frightened by the word. As if, suddenly, this person whom you have trusted in your home, in your life, & with your friendship, has become some force of darkness. In truth all your friend has done is shared with you something which shouldn’t have to be a secret. Your friend has trusted you with information about her faith, her spirituality. If your friend were Baptist, would the announcement that she followed that path cause you any discomfort? Not likely. In the simplest of terms, your newly found (no matter how fleeting) doubt about your friend is the result of a centuries long media assault on the Pagan way of life. As you’re gathering your thoughts on this newly discovered facet of your friend, & wondering how it affects you & how you feel about her, try to keep an open mind. And try to keep in mind that your friend has trusted you with something very dear, & traditionally very dangerous. The truth about who she is. Remember, for centuries, Witches have been burned, & hanged for nothing more than their faith.

So, What Does It All Mean?

Let’s start at the beginning. Paganism is not a single religion. It is an umbrella term generally used to cover all those religions, which are not considered to be “main world religions”, i.e. Christianity, Judaism & Islam. A person who follows one of the “other” faiths is considered to be a Pagan. Many Witches, & other Neo-Pagans simply identify themselves as "Pagan" in order to simplify the conversation when talking with someone (like, perhaps you) who may or may not be familiar with the different belief systems. This, rather unintentionally, often makes it sound as though "Paganism" is a religion – as opposed to a collection of religions. Just for the record, Neo-Paganism is not the same as the "New Age" movement. Generally, Pagans are involved in a distinctive religion. The New Age movement draws its spirituality from varied sources, as almost a supplement to the religion already practiced by that person.

A What? A Witch?

A Witch is a practitioner of a nature-based, nature-revering or “folk” belief system. Witches believe that our planet should be revered, & respected, as the manifestation of Deity. Not all Witches follow the same belief system. There are many different belief systems, only some of which will be discussed here – for the sake of brevity. Some Witches practice what is often referred to as the "Old Religion". This system is rooted in beliefs, which pre-date the monotheistic belief systems, & it follows the agricultural seasonal cycles. The Earth is a living thing & therefore a gift, for us, from the God & Goddess. Many Witches believe in a polytheistic deity structure usually based upon the local Gods & Goddesses of their area of origin. Most Witches feel that a monotheistic belief structure is only half of the whole. If based upon only one all-powerful male God, & often presided over by only male clergy, it is unbalanced & only half-effective. Worship, for Witches, is centered on both the male & female personifications of Deity. The most widely known sects of witchcraft are Wicca & Druidism. “Wiccan” is often used, by the misinformed, as a description for all Witches. This tendency is likely due to the increased exposure of Wicca, thanks to many movies & TV shows of recent years. All Wiccans are Witches, but not all Witches are Wiccan. Think of it this way – All Baptists are Christians, but not all Christians are Baptist. Make sense now?

So, you’re sitting at the table, listening to your friend, & wondering what this is supposed to mean for you? How does this affect your friendship? Is she trying to recruit you into her cult? Is she going to try to make you participate in some scary rituals? Is she going to have to leave your birthday party early because it’s a full moon, & she’s “gotta fly”? Is there some room in her home, where she keeps snakes & shrunken heads, & all manner of frightening & evil accouterments? Does she worship the devil? Make sacrifices? Curse those who make her angry?

Chances are that your friend told you this, because she trusts you & trusts your friendship to be strong enough to handle something out of the ordinary. She will likely have things in her home, which you may not understand – although you may never see them, even when they’re in plain sight. Your friend wants to be able to welcome you into her home, without the worry that you’ll see something “odd” & make a snap judgment based on misinformation. Your best source for information, when dealing with anything surprising or confusing, as it relates to your friend, is to go straight to her. If you see something in her home that you simply don’t understand, particularly if it has some negative connotation for you, ask your friend. She has shared her path with you, & as such, has invited you to ask her questions about anything you don’t understand. There’s a good chance that she uses herbs, incense, & oils to express her faith – & that the biggest danger from that is that she may set off her smoke detector!

Witches do not “recruit” new members. They revere their faith as a very personal choice, & a personal path. Witches also believe that no one path is right for everyone, & that everyone’s path, be it Christian, Wiccan, Hindu, etc., is a valid path. You should know that, as a Witch, your friend does not believe in the Devil. There is no “Lord of Evil” in her faith, lurking around every corner, waiting to trick a human into relenting their soul through some list of sins. She does not worship something in which she does not believe … so please put the devil-worship scenario to rest. Your friend believes in the Earth … the changing of the seasons … & the cycles of Life. There is good & bad in most things, & we – as people – know the difference. Witches believe that we, as humans, are responsible for our own actions. When we do something wrong, & something happens to us, we must accept the blame & try to learn the lessons being handed to us by the universe. When we have done right, & something good happens, we are entitled to pat ourselves on the back. And there are lessons to learn from the good things, as well.

Witches live by many rules, but perhaps the most concise & encompassing rule is – ‘And it harm none, do what ye will’. Your friend is, in a sense, prohibited from “cursing” someone who has made her angry. Witches live by the rules of Karma – the law of threefold return. Whatever we do comes back to us threefold. If your friend were to wish someone ill, she would be in line for a threefold return on those ill wishes. This is something taken very seriously by a Witch. Bear in mind that the good wishes are also returned threefold. So, it’s very possible that your friend just happens to be a fairly positive person, who wishes the best for most people. Your friend is also prohibited from making blood sacrifices. Quite obviously, that goes against the “harm none” principle. Now, before we go any further, take a good look at your friend & remember – NOT all Witches are old hags, riding around on broomsticks. Some of them are bright, attractive, outgoing people!

So, What’s Different Now?

Now that your friend has told you about her faith, what’s different now? Nothing. Chances are, that if you have an open mind, and really think about it, you’ll see that nothing has changed. Your friend has simply put a label on some of the things that likely drew you to her, from the beginning. She is telling you that she is an independent thinker, & a bit of a free spirit. She holds nature in a very high regard. She is probably the friend who reminds you to stop occasionally & smell the flowers!

So, ask your friend questions, look into her faith; research the things you don’t understand. And embrace the knowledge that your friend trusts you with such a wonderful gift.

Breathe

As you watch this beautiful short video, breathe in & out along with it. Very peaceful.

Very Bliss